I've been officially displaced for four days now, so I was so thankful to get an evening in (what was) my apartment alone in order to get take a nice shower, make myself dinner, and have a few hours of alone time while I watched Glee and reorganized my luggage to ensure the big one isn't over 50 pounds. I don't wanna pay that fee! The fact that I still have my things at my apartment really makes this feel less definite. I feel like I could wake up tomorrow and say 'nah, nevermind' and move back into my place and cut off all possible ties that I had built in SF. Now, I'm by no means going to do this and to be honest I couldn't do this, I'm just saying that it feels very unreal at the moment.
I think things will feel much more real in the coming hours because my going away party is right around the corner on Wednesday night. It will be an interesting time mish mashing all of the wonderful people I have met and gotten to know in the last four years. People I met my first week in the city will be there along with people that I met just a week ago. I expect it will be a beautifully happy, if not emotional, evening.
I have created a wonderful world of friends here and they are the only thing I am really going to miss. Day 3's post will probably just be one thousand photos of the people I love. It's fascinating though because I don't really feel like I'm leaving most of them behind. The internet is an insane thing in this way. Ten years ago I would be much more sad about saying goodbye because I wouldn't be able to have a day to day update on their lives, their loves and their fashion choices. They would be forced to fade into the ether. This is so different though because I don't expect to fully 'lose touch' with anyone.
Oh Mark Zuckerberg, you done changed my life.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Day 5 - NYC
It seems I'm getting out of New York by the skin of my teeth. I promised myself I would not spend another winter here and I can already feel the steep decline that occurs every year from hot as balls summer to cold as balls winter. There is only about a month in between them. The city is going to be filled with rain for much of this week (but it's looking like the day I fly is going to be clear! Cross your fingers!)
Long stretches of rain in New York hit me like this:
Day One - Man, I love rain. I forgot how much I love it.
Day Two - My boots are still wet and my umbrella is now broken. Ugh...?
Day Three - Over It
Day Four - JESUS CHRIST WILL IT NEVER END!?!?!?
Through these rain storm I have been lugging my computer, my purse, and whatever necessities I need for the day because I am officially homeless. Last night I trudged through the rain with my guitar, my violin and all of my needed belongings on my back. Needless to say I was just a bit of a crankypants.
It's different here because you have no shelter from the extreme elements. You have no car to hide inside of with the windshield wipers and the nice crappy top 40 radio to sooth you as your jeans dry because you cranked the heat. All you get is an umbrella and a never ending stream of cabs to splash puddles on you. Meaning that there is no shelter from the moods that weather creates in you.
It's actually going to be warmer in SF than it is in NYC when I leave. Bring on the Indian Summer!
Long stretches of rain in New York hit me like this:
Day One - Man, I love rain. I forgot how much I love it.
Day Two - My boots are still wet and my umbrella is now broken. Ugh...?
Day Three - Over It
Day Four - JESUS CHRIST WILL IT NEVER END!?!?!?
Through these rain storm I have been lugging my computer, my purse, and whatever necessities I need for the day because I am officially homeless. Last night I trudged through the rain with my guitar, my violin and all of my needed belongings on my back. Needless to say I was just a bit of a crankypants.
It's different here because you have no shelter from the extreme elements. You have no car to hide inside of with the windshield wipers and the nice crappy top 40 radio to sooth you as your jeans dry because you cranked the heat. All you get is an umbrella and a never ending stream of cabs to splash puddles on you. Meaning that there is no shelter from the moods that weather creates in you.
It's actually going to be warmer in SF than it is in NYC when I leave. Bring on the Indian Summer!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Days 6 and 7 - NYC and Upstate
I'm officially in the swing of my displacement which means I didn't get to sit down in front of a computer once this weekend. I'm officially moved out of my apartment, I'm officially done catering and I have officially said goodbye to my two favorite people under the legal drinking age: Brady and Riley.
These kids have singlehandedly altered my view on the importance of family. Now, I've always loved my family. I have a great relationship with both mom and dad and after many years my older brother and I are also great friends. Up until a year ago though, I never felt the need to cultivate relationships with my family. They were something that was always just 'there'. It's different though when the family member is a young growing mind.
I was never close to these boys until they moved up to New York after their parents' divorce. A little over a year ago these munchkins were suddenly an hour commute away from me. Having never really spent time with them before I didn't really know what to do but I felt a nagging need to become a more important part of their life, especially in light of the fact that my brother, their father, wasn't going to be able to see them very often because he had sadly remained in Florida.
What has ensued in the last year is a love affair of epic proportions. These awesome kids have taught me the value of family in a way I've never known it. I never had an aunt or uncle who was a part of my life the way I am in there's, so it means so much more to me that they feel a connection. They call me in the middle of the day just to say hi, from what I hear they count down the days until I visit, and when we're together they just light up my day. These boys are really the only thing about leaving that is making me sad. I never thought FAMILY would be the hardest thing to leave behind in New York...
Thankfully, the world has created Skype so I can sit in the comfort of my SF apartment and watch them light saber duel if I feel like it. I'm making a committment to get back to see them as much as humanly possible because it will break my heart if this one year was the only one where Auntie Loo Loo was really present.
Thanks guys, you are some damn cool kids.
These kids have singlehandedly altered my view on the importance of family. Now, I've always loved my family. I have a great relationship with both mom and dad and after many years my older brother and I are also great friends. Up until a year ago though, I never felt the need to cultivate relationships with my family. They were something that was always just 'there'. It's different though when the family member is a young growing mind.
I was never close to these boys until they moved up to New York after their parents' divorce. A little over a year ago these munchkins were suddenly an hour commute away from me. Having never really spent time with them before I didn't really know what to do but I felt a nagging need to become a more important part of their life, especially in light of the fact that my brother, their father, wasn't going to be able to see them very often because he had sadly remained in Florida.
What has ensued in the last year is a love affair of epic proportions. These awesome kids have taught me the value of family in a way I've never known it. I never had an aunt or uncle who was a part of my life the way I am in there's, so it means so much more to me that they feel a connection. They call me in the middle of the day just to say hi, from what I hear they count down the days until I visit, and when we're together they just light up my day. These boys are really the only thing about leaving that is making me sad. I never thought FAMILY would be the hardest thing to leave behind in New York...
Thankfully, the world has created Skype so I can sit in the comfort of my SF apartment and watch them light saber duel if I feel like it. I'm making a committment to get back to see them as much as humanly possible because it will break my heart if this one year was the only one where Auntie Loo Loo was really present.
Thanks guys, you are some damn cool kids.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Day 8 - NYC
Midtown during a weekday rainstorm is a death trap. I speak of Umbrella Wars.
We all know my general feelings on Midtown Manhattan. I generally think it is the ass crack of America and I try to avoid it like the plague. Unfortunately my job is right in the heart of it, so I spend most of my day every day in that beloved ass crack. People are ruthless on these sidewalks, and I'm one of them. I am a heartless defensive driver of myself through the throngs of gross and rude people. But nothing compares of an umbrella day.
The streets of Midtown just don't logically have the room to handle an umbrella for every person, but oh do we try. I become a warrior to get through it and if anyone crosses my path I will make them pay for it. If you've ever walked past me with an umbrella and I ran into you or blocked your way, rest assured that it might have been on purpose. People! Walk in a straight line, get off of your cell phone, don't loiter on the corner and get moving! The umbrellas will kill you if you don't and I will have no remorse. No one else will either.
I have been jabbed in the eye, I've had my hair pulled out and I've gotten clothing ripped by people weilding their umbrellas like Sherman Tanks to get through the throng. It sucks. It's not enjoyable at all. It makes me take my aggression out shamelessly on (usually) innocent people.
Bye bye Umbrella Wars! I'm definitely not gonna miss YOU!
We all know my general feelings on Midtown Manhattan. I generally think it is the ass crack of America and I try to avoid it like the plague. Unfortunately my job is right in the heart of it, so I spend most of my day every day in that beloved ass crack. People are ruthless on these sidewalks, and I'm one of them. I am a heartless defensive driver of myself through the throngs of gross and rude people. But nothing compares of an umbrella day.
The streets of Midtown just don't logically have the room to handle an umbrella for every person, but oh do we try. I become a warrior to get through it and if anyone crosses my path I will make them pay for it. If you've ever walked past me with an umbrella and I ran into you or blocked your way, rest assured that it might have been on purpose. People! Walk in a straight line, get off of your cell phone, don't loiter on the corner and get moving! The umbrellas will kill you if you don't and I will have no remorse. No one else will either.
I have been jabbed in the eye, I've had my hair pulled out and I've gotten clothing ripped by people weilding their umbrellas like Sherman Tanks to get through the throng. It sucks. It's not enjoyable at all. It makes me take my aggression out shamelessly on (usually) innocent people.
Bye bye Umbrella Wars! I'm definitely not gonna miss YOU!
Day 9 - NYC
The weather here has been turning quickly from hot hot summer to cold gray gross. I'm pretty okay with this because in a week or so I'm shipping out and getting a month or so of Indian summer followed by no winter.
I have been surrounded by extreme seasons my whole life. In Iowa the summer heat index (what it feels like when you add the humidity) can get up to 120 in a heat wave. In the winter the wind chill can rip over the plains at a deadly -60. New York is a more relaxed version of that but still very extreme. Both of these climates also see about two weeks of spring and two weeks of fall in a year.
I map my life by the seasons. I read fantasy only in the winter. I usually only run in the spring. I am the most social in the summer. I can't think of anything in my life that is fall based, but I'm sure there's something. What is going to come of my patterns when I leave the extreme seasons? Will I still have a winter weight gain? Will I still find myself in a period of shedding and renewal every April? Will I still experience seasonal depression? Will I still like reading in the colder months? Will my life continue on the same cycle?
Living in Iowa I never realized how guided by the seasons I was. In New York you are out in that season every moment. You trudge through the snow, you bake under the sun and there is no car to hide in either way. Without the refuge of a car I came to learn just how swayed I am by the cycle of the year.
When people ask me what my favorite season is I say 'the beginning of every new one'. I love the smell of the oncoming season. A fresh entrance into yet another summer or fall or winter or spring. I am fascinated to see what will come of me when I lose the snow, the sweltering heat, the perennial budding and the crunching leaves. Will I feel more lost or more balanced? We shall see!
I have been surrounded by extreme seasons my whole life. In Iowa the summer heat index (what it feels like when you add the humidity) can get up to 120 in a heat wave. In the winter the wind chill can rip over the plains at a deadly -60. New York is a more relaxed version of that but still very extreme. Both of these climates also see about two weeks of spring and two weeks of fall in a year.
I map my life by the seasons. I read fantasy only in the winter. I usually only run in the spring. I am the most social in the summer. I can't think of anything in my life that is fall based, but I'm sure there's something. What is going to come of my patterns when I leave the extreme seasons? Will I still have a winter weight gain? Will I still find myself in a period of shedding and renewal every April? Will I still experience seasonal depression? Will I still like reading in the colder months? Will my life continue on the same cycle?
Living in Iowa I never realized how guided by the seasons I was. In New York you are out in that season every moment. You trudge through the snow, you bake under the sun and there is no car to hide in either way. Without the refuge of a car I came to learn just how swayed I am by the cycle of the year.
When people ask me what my favorite season is I say 'the beginning of every new one'. I love the smell of the oncoming season. A fresh entrance into yet another summer or fall or winter or spring. I am fascinated to see what will come of me when I lose the snow, the sweltering heat, the perennial budding and the crunching leaves. Will I feel more lost or more balanced? We shall see!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Day 10 - NYC
Reason #2,459 that I am leaving New York: I do not want to wake up when I'm 46 years old and realize that my all of my dreams and aspirations amounted to being a professional cater waiter.
The sad thing is that this is a regular thing I witness at every catering event I work. Some of them are quite successful and do it just to make sure they're financially stable. I'm cool with them. The 'professional' cater waiters, the ones who do it for a living in their 40s and still talk about the moment that they might get their big break...they are something I never want to become.
The sad thing is that this is a regular thing I witness at every catering event I work. Some of them are quite successful and do it just to make sure they're financially stable. I'm cool with them. The 'professional' cater waiters, the ones who do it for a living in their 40s and still talk about the moment that they might get their big break...they are something I never want to become.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Day 11 - NYC
They always say that you can tell a tourist by where they are looking when they walk down the street. To be honest you can tell a tourist by the camera around their neck, the bad clothing style, the white tennis shoes, 50 extra pounds, the I <3 NY tshirt, the slow walking and the stopping in the middle of a crowded sidewalk to 'get the perfect picture of little Sally in front of that big tall building!'. But I guess you can also tell by where they are looking. The tourist, the visitor, and the curious look up. They seek the skyline and the height of this totally unique little land as they walk through the streets. The resident, however, looks straight. They use their laser city vision to peer through the crowds in order to map out their best route through the throng. Alternatively, they may also look at their feet to avoid puddles and trash and piles of pee or shit or vomit left by dogs and homeless people and drunks. The resident, however, does not look 'up'. I was the resident from the day I came here. Point A to Point B. In and out. Expeditious and succient. Not wanting to take the time to take in the world around me.
Now, after so many years, I'm the visitor. I have found myself taking in the city. I have found myself looking up. I am finally finding the moment in me to appreciate the beautiful architecture laid against the little patches of visible sky. My dad is an architect (hi Dad!) so I was raised to appreciate unique and creative structures but for the most part I have ignored the architectual offerings of New York for the last many years with a random few exceptions. While I 'saw' them, I rarely took them in because it took so much energy for me to merely walk down the street blocking out everything I could in order to keep sane.
One day about a year ago I walked the Brooklyn Bridge by myself on a whim one Saturday morning and stumbled upon an incredible installation art festival in DUMBO by total accident. It think it was the first day that I really let the city in for more than just a minute or two and it was one of the best days I've ever had in the city. Hours in silence with myself just viewing and seeking and stumbling upon things I didn't know existed. The Brooklyn Bridge truly is something I think everyone should walk in silence once. It is a breathtaking piece of architecture and it deserves ones rapt attention.
Something in me changed that day. Since that day I've been pretty good at intermittently letting in the views of the city and experiencing them, not just remotly appreciating them and moving on. Lately though, it has been constant. For the first time I feel that I'm really 'taking in' what is around me instead of just seeing. Instead of just letting it pass through my vision into the abyss. I'm sure it's all a part of saying goodbye, but it's such a change.
Could I take the city in like this every day? No. The over stimulation of the city is too much for me much of the time, hence the major reason why I am leaving. I prefer to live in a place that doesn't force itself on me. In New York my life revolves around New York. I would like to live in a place where my life revolves around my life with a vibrant city as the setting. I'd like to get back to my usual self, the person who does take in every minute detail of my surroundings. The person who worships beauty and really drinks in the world around her. Here I refrain for fear that I will take in a stimulus that pisses me off and makes me want to punch someone in the face. Aaah New York :)
For these last 11 days, however, I am watching. I am a viewer of the (while hard to live with and frustrating) vibrant and ever changing landscape of this city. I'm taking it in. What's more, for this little moment in time, I'm really enjoying it.
Now, after so many years, I'm the visitor. I have found myself taking in the city. I have found myself looking up. I am finally finding the moment in me to appreciate the beautiful architecture laid against the little patches of visible sky. My dad is an architect (hi Dad!) so I was raised to appreciate unique and creative structures but for the most part I have ignored the architectual offerings of New York for the last many years with a random few exceptions. While I 'saw' them, I rarely took them in because it took so much energy for me to merely walk down the street blocking out everything I could in order to keep sane.
One day about a year ago I walked the Brooklyn Bridge by myself on a whim one Saturday morning and stumbled upon an incredible installation art festival in DUMBO by total accident. It think it was the first day that I really let the city in for more than just a minute or two and it was one of the best days I've ever had in the city. Hours in silence with myself just viewing and seeking and stumbling upon things I didn't know existed. The Brooklyn Bridge truly is something I think everyone should walk in silence once. It is a breathtaking piece of architecture and it deserves ones rapt attention.
Something in me changed that day. Since that day I've been pretty good at intermittently letting in the views of the city and experiencing them, not just remotly appreciating them and moving on. Lately though, it has been constant. For the first time I feel that I'm really 'taking in' what is around me instead of just seeing. Instead of just letting it pass through my vision into the abyss. I'm sure it's all a part of saying goodbye, but it's such a change.
Could I take the city in like this every day? No. The over stimulation of the city is too much for me much of the time, hence the major reason why I am leaving. I prefer to live in a place that doesn't force itself on me. In New York my life revolves around New York. I would like to live in a place where my life revolves around my life with a vibrant city as the setting. I'd like to get back to my usual self, the person who does take in every minute detail of my surroundings. The person who worships beauty and really drinks in the world around her. Here I refrain for fear that I will take in a stimulus that pisses me off and makes me want to punch someone in the face. Aaah New York :)
For these last 11 days, however, I am watching. I am a viewer of the (while hard to live with and frustrating) vibrant and ever changing landscape of this city. I'm taking it in. What's more, for this little moment in time, I'm really enjoying it.
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