They always say that you can tell a tourist by where they are looking when they walk down the street. To be honest you can tell a tourist by the camera around their neck, the bad clothing style, the white tennis shoes, 50 extra pounds, the I <3 NY tshirt, the slow walking and the stopping in the middle of a crowded sidewalk to 'get the perfect picture of little Sally in front of that big tall building!'. But I guess you can also tell by where they are looking. The tourist, the visitor, and the curious look up. They seek the skyline and the height of this totally unique little land as they walk through the streets. The resident, however, looks straight. They use their laser city vision to peer through the crowds in order to map out their best route through the throng. Alternatively, they may also look at their feet to avoid puddles and trash and piles of pee or shit or vomit left by dogs and homeless people and drunks. The resident, however, does not look 'up'. I was the resident from the day I came here. Point A to Point B. In and out. Expeditious and succient. Not wanting to take the time to take in the world around me.
Now, after so many years, I'm the visitor. I have found myself taking in the city. I have found myself looking up. I am finally finding the moment in me to appreciate the beautiful architecture laid against the little patches of visible sky. My dad is an architect (hi Dad!) so I was raised to appreciate unique and creative structures but for the most part I have ignored the architectual offerings of New York for the last many years with a random few exceptions. While I 'saw' them, I rarely took them in because it took so much energy for me to merely walk down the street blocking out everything I could in order to keep sane.
One day about a year ago I walked the Brooklyn Bridge by myself on a whim one Saturday morning and stumbled upon an incredible installation art festival in DUMBO by total accident. It think it was the first day that I really let the city in for more than just a minute or two and it was one of the best days I've ever had in the city. Hours in silence with myself just viewing and seeking and stumbling upon things I didn't know existed. The Brooklyn Bridge truly is something I think everyone should walk in silence once. It is a breathtaking piece of architecture and it deserves ones rapt attention.
Something in me changed that day. Since that day I've been pretty good at intermittently letting in the views of the city and experiencing them, not just remotly appreciating them and moving on. Lately though, it has been constant. For the first time I feel that I'm really 'taking in' what is around me instead of just seeing. Instead of just letting it pass through my vision into the abyss. I'm sure it's all a part of saying goodbye, but it's such a change.
Could I take the city in like this every day? No. The over stimulation of the city is too much for me much of the time, hence the major reason why I am leaving. I prefer to live in a place that doesn't force itself on me. In New York my life revolves around New York. I would like to live in a place where my life revolves around my life with a vibrant city as the setting. I'd like to get back to my usual self, the person who does take in every minute detail of my surroundings. The person who worships beauty and really drinks in the world around her. Here I refrain for fear that I will take in a stimulus that pisses me off and makes me want to punch someone in the face. Aaah New York :)
For these last 11 days, however, I am watching. I am a viewer of the (while hard to live with and frustrating) vibrant and ever changing landscape of this city. I'm taking it in. What's more, for this little moment in time, I'm really enjoying it.
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