Midtown during a weekday rainstorm is a death trap. I speak of Umbrella Wars.
We all know my general feelings on Midtown Manhattan. I generally think it is the ass crack of America and I try to avoid it like the plague. Unfortunately my job is right in the heart of it, so I spend most of my day every day in that beloved ass crack. People are ruthless on these sidewalks, and I'm one of them. I am a heartless defensive driver of myself through the throngs of gross and rude people. But nothing compares of an umbrella day.
The streets of Midtown just don't logically have the room to handle an umbrella for every person, but oh do we try. I become a warrior to get through it and if anyone crosses my path I will make them pay for it. If you've ever walked past me with an umbrella and I ran into you or blocked your way, rest assured that it might have been on purpose. People! Walk in a straight line, get off of your cell phone, don't loiter on the corner and get moving! The umbrellas will kill you if you don't and I will have no remorse. No one else will either.
I have been jabbed in the eye, I've had my hair pulled out and I've gotten clothing ripped by people weilding their umbrellas like Sherman Tanks to get through the throng. It sucks. It's not enjoyable at all. It makes me take my aggression out shamelessly on (usually) innocent people.
Bye bye Umbrella Wars! I'm definitely not gonna miss YOU!
No comments:
Post a Comment