I'm in the throws of my first official panic laced freak out today. It hit me like a brick late Saturday night but I was able to avoid thinking about it too much Sunday because I took a lazy day and didn't do much but lay in bed and have dinner and drinks with Dan (who totally took my mind off of it). But today, giving notice at both of my jobs, it hit me in an unavoidable way.
Moving to a place where you don't know who you can trust is a hard thing to do. I've done it before and it was a rocky experience then, I'm feeling it'll be a bit of a rocky experience this time. I have a better head on my shoulders, a slightly easier city and a lot more lined up for me this time around, but it still feel very uneasy. I don't think I quite realized how important my circle of friends has become to me and how much I really do depend upon them. The prospect of starting from scratch in a city of strangers suddenly feels terribly daunting and filled with potential emotional landmines.
My younger self would deal with this by jumping into a relationship and grasping onto that as an anchor for dear life. However, when doing that, the situation just gets buried and you always have to end up dealing with it in the end anyway, its just then mixed with heartbreak and a bunch of other crap... I'm more than happy to skip that step. I'm not really interested in hiding from things I'm scared of in a relationship again. Been there, done that, time to try the other way.
But wow, the other way is so much more daunting.
No comments:
Post a Comment